An Open Letter to the Steel City: HOW YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS IN THE EYES OF THE PITTSBURGH POLICE or MAYOR LUKE: PLEASE LEASH YOUR PIGS

G-20, ALL UP IN UR GRILLLLLLL

Dear City of Pittsburgh:

YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS IN THE EYES OF THE PITTSBURGH POLICE.

And yet your stupidity amazes me. I almost feel as if I've been transported into some sort of Twilight Zone episode in which 3/4 of your citizens have the mental capacity of a four-year-old child who has just discovered his penis, or, in short, Rush Limbaugh after he sees a half-gallon bottle of prescription pills. Basically, I want to rip my hair out and scream at every single one of you who apparently doesn't see the big picture or just thinks that the police are right 100% of the time. But I digress.

Dear Mayor Luke:

PLEASE LEASH YOUR PIGS.

Police brutality. It's a bitch. Having never witnessed it first hand (hey, I'm white, I generally don't have to worry about that shit) it came as quite a shock to see so much of it over the past weekend. I want you to know that I no longer feel safe on your streets, and have been so disillusioned by your hate-mongering stormtroopers that I cannot wait to move to a city that does not allow the unlawful beating and arrest of its citizens (wherever the fuck that might be).

Now, before I go any further, I have to warn you, Pittsburgh, that this is going to be an extremely angry letter. The atrocities that have taken place just a few streets from where I live on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday have just about put me over the edge. You've been, uh, warned.

Now, where to start? Ah, I think I know. Come, Pittsburghers, for a joy-ride in my DeLorean...

One year ago:

I'm in my car, driving home from a 14 hr day in a 30 degree environment on a production line. In short, I'm fucking exhausted. I have the windows down and RX Bandits blasting from the stereo. As I'm approaching my driveway, I notice a cop car parked in a used car lot just a few houses down. When I type "notice," I mean I see it but pay little attention because I was already slowed down waaaaay below the speed limit in order to turn into my driveway. So I drive past, no thought to the officer, and pull into my driveway and around the back of the house. My driveway is shaped like an L, and I was parked in the bottom of the L, with no vantage point of the upper part (keep this in mind as the story goes on). I grab my lunchbag and cell phone and step out of the car only to hear screaming directed at the back of my head.

"Get the fuck back into your car!"

As stated before, I'm tired as shit, and now all of a sudden some one's yelling at me to get back in my car. My first thought was not "Oh shit, that must be a police officer, I better be a good little boy and obey!" No, my first thought was, "What the fuck is this?" and "Who the fuck does this person think he is?" Oh, and I also turned around. Big mistake. I turn my head to see just who exactly is telling me so politely to "get the fuck back in my car" and am greeted by the happy image of an officer with his hand on his gun. I am a little shocked, to say the least.

"Turn the fuck back around right fucking now and get the fuck back in your car or I will use fucking force!"

I am still in shock at this point. I'm dead tired, ready to relax, and instead, face-to-face with what appears to be the most foul-mouthed police officer in the state (with his hand on his gun, no less). So, it takes him swearing at me one more time before I get back in my car, still confused and to tell you the truth, a little frightened.

It's probably a good thing that this happened after a 14 hr day at work. To be honest, had it been just a normal day and my brain had been working at 100%, I probably would have snapped back at the guy with "Fuck you, dude" or "Who the fuck do you think you are, asshole?" before being tasered, beaten, or shot to the ground.

Instead, I comply.

He comes around, says I was speeding.

Bullshit.

I was already slowed down to turn into my driveway before he even saw me.

I say that, and state that he didn't need to have has hand on his gun and threaten me.

He says I didn't obey.

I didn't fucking obey. Unbelievable.

Now I understand why so many people are shot in the back while running from the cops.

"Hey, why'd you shoot that little girl in the back?"

"I told her to stop and she didn't obey."

"Well, what'd she do? Why'd she run?"

"She stole from Walmart...AND SHE DIDN'T FUCKING OBEY."

Steal from Walmart, and they steal your soul.

Although I still haven't figured out just where the hell this rent-a-cop has come from, I have time to put the pieces together while he writes out my speeding ticket. The reason I never saw the cop was because he parked in the upper part of the L-driveway, just far enough that his car was hidden by my house. He's also local. I tell him that I'll see him in court, and that he doesn't have a chance in hell of winning. He must have taken that to heart because one month later my ticket is thrown out because he never shows to the court date. I repeatedly listen to NWA's "Fuck the Police" for three months straight.

Let's fast-forward to last week. My anger towards law enforcement had died down a bit. In fact, thanks to the media, I was more worried about the protesters lighting my apartment on fire than the massive police presence that would be in the area. I thought, "I don't care what the protesters do as long as they don't destroy shit. But if they do that, the police should be able to take them down."

Ah, how naive I was.

The truth of situation, Pittsburgh, is that the vast majority of protesters were peaceful, or intended to be peaceful. Instead, you decided to deny most of the peaceful groups permits in order to protest. Instead of letting these people have their message known, you kept them imprisoned in a constant police barrage of LRAD's, rubber pullets, and tear gas. And then you got mad when they got violent.

To all Pittsburghers: Violence Breeds Violence.

You'd have thought Mayor Luke would have heard that one before, especially since he spends so much time with the African American community.


Alas, being the idiot he is, Mayor Luke instead gives a speech about how great the G-20 went and how it was such a success for the city of Pittsburgh...meanwhile this shit is happening:

Kidnapping
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8CNa_viKg0

Police Brutality
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J23HNJBbpcg

...and more Police Brutality
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPeXRozN6vQ

Basically, just type in police brutality and Pittsburgh G-20 and you'll find hundreds of videos. It's frightening. What little rights we already have are completely obliterated when 40 officers in full riot gear and a raging hard-on are in your face and ready to fuck you in the ass till it bleeds. The tactics of the Pittsburgh police last weekend consisted of completely surrounding a crowd (cutting off all exits) then repeatedly telling said crowd to disperse or they will be arrested. Um, disperse where? Of course, everyone in the crowd that was encircled would then be arrested and held for up to 14 hours (illegally, by the way) before being let go...unless the cops really didn't like you, in which case you'd be slapped with a few misdemeanors.

Is this that "socialism" that everyone is worried about? No, it's more like communism. And the amazing thing about all the illegal activities that the police carried out over last week is that Pittsburgh citizens are actually defending them. Defending them! The best part about this is that those defending the police are the same mentally challenged groups that are so afraid of Obama's national healthcare taking away their freedoms and creating a socialist state.

Because we all know that universal healthcare = the end of capitalism = your freedoms: gone= instant ban on big gas-guzzling trucks/SUVs = ban on all guns = OMG THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD.

Attention: all morons supporting the police actions of the G-20 - you are supporting fascism, which, by the way, is pretty damn close to communism, which, according to your beloved Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh, is just one slippery slope away from the dreaded socialism you so fear (which will be brought on by giving small dying children healthcare which could save their lives).

FUCK THOSE CHILDREN, MAN, I WANT TO DRIVE MY DURANGO THROUGH THE WOODS WHILE KILLING ANIMALS BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY WAY MY SMALL-MINDED CONSERVATIVE BRAIN CAN ACTUALLY PROCESS PLEASURE SINCE MY DICK WAS DESTROYED IN A TRAGIC MAGIC BULLET MASTURBATORY ACCIDENT.

It wants you to fuck it.

Okay...I'm furious now. Time to calm down.

It's hard though, because I just don't understand why more people aren't as furious as I am. Yes, I am familiar with the incident this spring in which three Pittsburgh officers where senselessly killed over dog piss (no joke), but that does not give them a free ticket to do whatever they want and for us to ignore it simply because it might be in bad taste. Fuck that. I don't care how many officers have died in the past over a stupid situation, because it has NEVER and WILL NEVER be okay to beat innocent citizens in America. I know it happens, and I'm sure it actually happens all the time, but when are we, as one society, regardless of political affiliations, going to stand up and fight against it? The events surrounding the G-20 could have been the inciting incident that finally brought police brutality to conscious minds of all, but instead it only created more excuses for the police to continue their fascist behaviors. Good job, Pittsburgh, only you could have fucked that opportunity over.

So, for that, I say fuck you, Ed Rendell and Dan Onorato.

Mayor Luke: you're a douche and no one likes you. There. Someone had to fucking say it already.

And Pittsburgh, well...you're going to have one hell of a time redeeming yourself in my eyes. Although getting rid of all those "Stillers" fans would be a good start.